It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
