I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
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