the condom got lost in my hair
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
