How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
