I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
