i need an iv and a liver transplant
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
