i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
areolas are like halos for boobs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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