i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
