Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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