It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
