Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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