oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
