If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
