remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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