Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
