It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
