And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
