I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My liver just had a heart attack.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
