i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
