just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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