I haven't been this sober since birth.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
