Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
