I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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