You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
