Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
