My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
