Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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