i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
