Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
