I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
