i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
