you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize