Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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