Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How does one acquire holy water?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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