How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
