One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
