I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
