Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
