We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
