If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
