Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
