i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
