Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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