i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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