He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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