You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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