She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
