I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Randomize
