Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
