I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
